You know how it is, people just love to guess, especially about your sex. Stick a label on you. It’s like a default setting in their brains or something. And man, can it be a pain.
So, there was this one gig I was on, right? Not even a ‘gig’ gig, more like this online forum I was trying to keep from falling apart. I spent ages coding the backend bits, fixing bugs, the usual grind. I used a handle that was just… a word. No ‘Miss’ or ‘Mr.’ anything. Figured it didn’t matter. Boy, was I wrong, or just naive.
Pretty soon, I’m ‘buddy,’ ‘man,’ ‘chief,’ ‘sir.’ All the ‘he’s’ and ‘him’s’ you could shake a stick at. Every. Single. Day. And it wasn’t just one or two folks. It was like a memo went out: ‘The admin? Oh yeah, that’s a dude.’ And the way some of them would talk, condescending sometimes, like ‘let me explain this to you, son.’ Son? I was probably older than half of ’em, for crying out loud.
At first, I just brushed it off. Whatever, you know? Got bigger fish to fry. The site needed updates, users had actual problems. But it started to properly get on my nerves. It felt like they weren’t seeing me, or the work I was putting in, just some stereotype they’d cooked up in their heads. And you can’t help but wonder, if they knew I wasn’t ‘one of the guys,’ would they be even bigger jerks? Or maybe, just maybe, a tiny bit more respectful? Who the hell knows. It’s a total crapshoot.
So I thought, okay, what am I gonna do here? Make a big announcement? Felt too dramatic. So I tried, you know, just dropping hints. Not making a big song and dance about it. If someone said ‘he did this,’ I’d reply, ‘Actually, I thought this through by…’ or I’d casually mention something that didn’t quite fit their ‘dude’ picture. It was a slow process, trying to nudge their assumptions without derailing every conversation.
Some got it. A few even apologized, which was decent of them. Others were just brick wall clueless. Like, the hints would bounce right off them. It was exhausting, honestly. You’re there trying to build something, trying to help people, and you’re also fighting this stupid, invisible battle over what they assume about you just because you don’t have a girly avatar or a username like ‘PrincessSparklePony’.
What did I learn from all that? People will assume. They just will. It’s easier for them than, I don’t know, just not assuming? And sometimes, it totally colors how they treat you, how they see your work, everything. It’s a load of bull, mostly. Now? I just don’t have the patience I used to. If they get it wrong, and they’re being an ass about it, I might say something blunt. If not, whatever. Let ’em live in their little bubble. I got actual stuff to do. Life’s too short to correct every numpty on the internet, right?
